Here are some of the sponsored articles I’ve written for The Onion. One is about drinking beer. Another is about smelling bad. They often go hand in hand, really.

Report: Mom And Dad’s House Starting To Smell Like Grandma And Grandpa’s House (Sponsored by Febreze)

Guys’ Weekend Getaway Begins With Daring Purchase Of New Kind Of Beer (Sponsored by Enjoy Illinois)

Friends Regret Encouraging Man To Say What’s On His Mind (Sponsored by Cottonelle)

Hardened Snacker Keeps Trying To Rediscover That First Mind-Blowing Nacho Cheese High (Sponsored by Doritos)

‘It’s Real Easy,’ Declares IT Guy About To Speak Incoherently For Next 30 Seconds (Sponsored by VMware)